ENG - Impostor syndrome: the art of feeling small
Impostor syndrome: the art of feeling small
I often admire the beautiful images of nature documentaries, whether they be animals, travel destinations, landscapes, seascapes, underwater sceneries or sky photographs: like many, I allow my heart to be enlarged by the vastness of space, the beauty of nature and the miracle of existence in all of its forms, from the most vast such as mountain ranges and oceans, to the smallest such as plankton and hummingbirds.
I listen to the distinguished explanations and interviews with photographers or scientists who dedicate their whole lives (sometimes risking it) to exploring the most remote corners of the planet, to studying and sharing with us a small part of their wonder. In doing so, I noticed a pattern in their words, a recurring theme that is presented more or less in every episode: the relief of feeling small in the face of something much bigger. The feeling of tranquility and peace that comes from realizing you are a tiny, powerless and transient being standing before the immense, untamed, majestic and powerful forces of Nature.
Funnily enough, however, in our everyday lives and in our Western, technological society, we struggle and are driven to strive for diametrically opposite values: to be strong, to be masters of ourselves and our lives, to have everything (and everyone) under control; to make ourselves big, as big as possible; to achieve big things, big goals, big results; to never give up, never give in, never fall into the dangerous feeling of having limits: as if failing were the worst fate possible.
Instead of bringing us satisfaction and peace, we have already experienced – both on our skin and on our psychophysical health – that this achievers’ anxiety is stressful both on an individual and collective level and it fuels our fear of not succeeding, of failing, of being found out. What if it turns out that we are not so great, perfect and infallible after all?
They call it impostor syndrome: the syndrome of the contemporary man and woman from which all of us suffer a little. We are all tired of carrying so much tension and exhausted by expectations, regardless of whether or not we have fulfilled them. So the impostor travels to the most hidden and secluded places on earth to stand in front of a mountain, breathe in its immensity, and finally be allowed to feel small, and rightly so. The impostor dives into the infinite ocean and relaxes, at last, in the certainty of being in contact with a force greater than their own, against which they do not even attempt to compete. The impostor enjoys the relief of being able to surrender before something greater, to embrace their own limitedness and impermanence, to stop deluding themselves with the idea of having everything under control.
Where does this relief come from? It comes from being able to allow ourselves to let go for a moment, to be simple, to be enough; to be fulfilled as we are, without the inner torment of constantly having to be more. It comes from seeing that what is in front of us, what surrounds us, is good enough as it is, without wanting to own it or needing to exploit it so that it becomes better and produces more. It comes from the realization that we are not born to struggle, to stand out or stand above, but that instead we are already part of a whole. A greater, more powerful, beautiful whole, before which we have the opportunity of becoming small and humble again, to let ourselves be surprised, perhaps even grateful.
Gratitude only arises when we realise that we have received much and that we are part of something beautiful, good, and great – and for a moment we allow ourselves the luxury of stepping aside. Stepping aside to acknowledge that we are a part of it. Just as when we hold a newborn baby in our arms, or watch the sunset, a frozen lake, a golden desert, a starry night, the rainbow… small in the certainty that we have done nothing to create so much splendour, and perhaps because of that – aware that we have received a gift – free to rejoice.
April 2023